The phone rang.

I stared at it for two whole seconds. It's Tuesday. It can't be! I thought. I flicked my eyes upwards to look at the clock on the computer and noted that it was noon. Carefully I extended a hand and picked up the phone, uttering the nonchalant "Hello?"

"Pei?"

Oh, but it is!

"Joan?" I said disbelievingly. For some reason, it sounded different this time. Usually when she calls me or when I called her, she sounded really far away and all. I don't really think that one can gauge one's distance with the phone because it's supposed to sound the same regardless whether you're one mile away or one hundred miles away. But this time, her voice was loud and clear, without any of the "distant" feeling. Like she was near here somewhere. On her way back to Kemaman?

Then her voice exploded in my ear: "Pei! Meet me in school in 10 minutes!"

Okay. Make that very near.

"Whaaaat?! School? Ten minutes?!" My mind started whirling with all sorts of questions.

"Yes!"

"Why school?"

"Because I'm right now near school, that's why."

"Um... okay, I'll try to get there." I hung up.

School. Ten minutes. That's insanity! But then again, what on earth do I really expect? Joan's middle name is insane.

Of course, I didn't exactly make it in ten minutes. I bounded down the stairs and burst into the shop, pleading to my dad to send me to school (what a great coincidence that the only place I'm supposed to set foot on other than my home is school). He was busy and told me to call up Mom, and that was what I did. While mucking around the shop, I was told that I have a letter.

Oooh, a letter! With great speculation I picked up the envelope [011120-envelope.jpg]. Obviously it was from Tiffany... with a cute smiley on the bottom left of the envelope and the "Kuala Lumpur" postmark on the top and a tiny butterfly sticker at the back... who else can it be (even though there wasn't a return address)? However, since I was leaving soon I didn't open it yet.

I only managed to find a ride to school half an hour later, and by the time I reach school I picked my way through all the construction rubble, making a beeline for the school field. And there, even from a whole block away, Joan caught sight of me and started waving madly while making her way towards me.

We met halfway and hugged. It was so good to see her again after all these months! And she hardly had changed... still bubbly, still a little crazy, and still loud and outgoing. Oh yes, her hair is definitely straighter than it was, but it still has its waves.

I spent about an hour in school, hanging out with Joan (and Indhira and Adi and Hazimi and... who was the other guy?). Ee Lynn and Audrey was supposed to be there as well, but I guess they couldn't make it. Joan was recounting about her life over there, and she brought some photos along to show us her class and her school. Of course, Joan is still having some obsessive stalker problems there, and still obsessing over a guy there.

There was a moment when I placed my hands behind my head and leaned back, when suddenly Joan pounced on me (I almost got shocked to death there because I was relaxed and all and suddenly she was practically on me) and grabbed my left arm, staring at the bruise accusingly and demanding to know what happened. I just shrugged and said it was from archery. She grimaced, "Ow!"

I guess she is still quick to catch things as usual.

Later, while waiting for my parents to fetch me homewards, the rain started drizzling down. It's been raining everyday. Makes me wonder if there'll ever be a day of non-rain after this. Has it flooded anywhere yet?

When I got home, I plopped down on the chair in front of the computer, brandished a penknife and started carefully cutting open the envelope. And guess what I extracted?

A 3½"×4" Batik Kitten [011120-tiffletter.jpg]!

Well, it's also known as "Kucing Rojak" or "Rainbow Feline", according to its creator. It's so adorable! Hehe, it also has "Pei" written on it. I was there staring at it for ages before I could even start reading the letter. Well, I guess Tiffany wasn't kidding when she said she'd send me a kitten by mail. Hehe. She's such a great artist. The colors are so vibrant and eye-catching, and the thick silver outline (silver-lining?) is really a great touch. I love it! The cam image doesn't even capture the whole of how spectacular and cute that small piece of art was. Methinks this will find its way to my box of my treasured items... hehe.

Ah, and the letter! How long ago was it when I last received a letter? I can't remember (I think it was Zhi Ling's letter the week after my birthday), but that's pretty much beside the point. Tiffany's handwriting is so neat! It's all in caps though... *chuckles* other than the vowels. And of course, both being cat fanatics her stationary had a picture of a snoozing cat at the top of it. Ah, cats. They're so cute!

And speaking of that, it really had been almost one whole year since I met up with Tiffany and Sookie (and Martin and Sebastian...). I met up with them last December, I think, after some months of being online acquaintances and being involved in the team weblog Stale. Whoa, time does fly (and I've been mentioning that line a lot the past few entries!). I can hardly believe that I've known them for that long (and in that period of time I've grown closer to Tiffany and drifted away from Sookie in terms of closeness).

And yeah, maybe after SPM I should get my ass down there to KL and meet up with them again sometime. It would be fun... I think. As long as it's not as awkward as it was... but I have a sneaky feeling it might be a replay of last year's meeting! But regardless whether it will be or it will be not, I did enjoy myself and it was quite an experience and I am kind of missing all the meeting up with friends somewhere else. I should do that more often (despite not having a lot of Malaysian online friends). I wonder when I'll finally get to meet up with Zhi Ling, since she is my longest online friend to date (3 years; I lost contact with Heather and Amelia, both whom I met in 1996, sometime in 1999 or 2000).

Now, when did I start being so damned interested in meeting up with net friends? I thought I am supposed to be the silent, shy type. And I still am the silent, shy type. I just like the prospect of meeting up with friends, even if during the meeting I wouldn't be actively talking. Proved to be interesting most of the times. At least I didn't play hide-and-seek in meetings like Li Chin did with her meetings with her net friends... in an attempt to catch sight of them before letting them see her.

Ah, bah, I still don't know if I'm really going to end up in Singapore to meet up with the Singaporean Protagonist gang. Hopefully yes, but I still don't have a passport. I really doubt I can make it there that soon. *sigh*

And with those brushed aside... what the hell am I going to do after exams?! Work? Study? Wait for results? Don't wait for results? Check out all the colleges? And start making decisions like, study what? Where? How?

I'm one indecisive girl. I kind of wish that I know someone with some experience on this already and could... well, I don't know, tell me a little about it or something. I mean... how did people actually decide on what they wanted to study for? Unless I'm some kind of a freak, surely not everyone in the whole world had had their future decided the moment they stepped out of secondary school... right?

I have so many things that I want to do that I would not let myself acknowledge them because they are dreams that aren't meant to come true... *sigh* well, I guess some things are not meant to have happy endings. I can just attempt to take the whole world like it's a joke, of course.

Worry worry worry. What the hell am I going to do, brood over this until it's all fixed up? Yeah right. That's just great, Pei. It'll never achieve that effect until a century later, perhaps. I wish decisions aren't this hard to make. Maybe I should just change my religion and join the Moonies, then I no longer need to make any decisions. No more stress and no more brooding over problems.

The only problem is that I hate having my decisions made for me too.

Forgetting that, I'd like to recount a rather strange dream I had earlier. While it does not include flying pigs or purple dinosaurs, it does include a Daniel Johns (yes, of Silverchair), which is rather... surprising. Surprising in the sense that... why him? I neither obsess over him nor Silverchair. But anyway, trusting my rather vague memory of it, it started on a day that seems like my typical Friday, when I received a phone call from Lee Lian who told me to get ready in fifteen minutes because she was coming to get me.

I have no idea why Lee Lian is suddenly there either, but it was something along the lines of her coming back to Kemaman with her parents. Next thing I knew was that we were off heading to some mall. *frowns* I think we ended up at Kuantan Parade, or some place that is similar to it because the layout of the building was rather confusing like a maze with a lot of twists and turns.

We were having drinks at this cafe thingy, and *gasp* Daniel Johns was sitting next to me and across from Lee Lian. We were sitting at this table that had seats for six persons, and there were other people (only that I no longer remember who they were). Now, I have no idea how we ended up with a celebrity amongst us. Interesting to note that no one seemed to be fawning over him.

How levelheaded of us.

There was a time when he turned towards me and questioned me something about Silverchair, to which I distractedly answered that I wasn't a fan, and I wouldn't know much. Uh... yes, rather rude even if my dreams, but oh well. Heh. And again, somehow we did wound up getting a hold of all the albums and trooped around the mall for a while. I have no idea what happened afterwards. I've forgotten a lot of details as it had been over twelve hours since I dreamt it.

It's all very muddled up right now like a distorted quality of a dream after a certain period of being in the waking world, but it was so vivid that when I just woke up, I was wondering about "yesterday" as in yesterday in the dream, like it was a day I just lived through. For a moment there I couldn't differentiate dream from reality. That's really freaky and unsettling, because all this while I never had that before. I always had known a dream is a dream, even when I was still dreaming.

It's part of my realist personality that kept my two feet so deep rooted firmly to the ground that I doubt I can actually walk properly. Am I losing it?

And contrary to yesterday's crazy "high", the whole day today I've been feeling rather... melancholy. I don't know why I'm feeling that way either. I'm really happy to hear from and see Joan again, and I'm super-grateful at receiving Tiffany's letter and gift. But somehow both of that remind me of just how much I'm missing everyone.

I wish I'm not still grounded. I miss everyone like crazy! I wish I can just hang out again like last time, talk to my friends again like last time. Ugh. Now I can't call anyone and I sneak online for about 5 minutes everyday just to retrieve my emails and to upload my journal entries. No time to actually do anything else. *sigh* But hey, if I get online 5 minutes everyday for one whole month, the bill would only total up to RM4.50 per month (minus any other monthly fees, that is). How... incredible.

But can I really survive with 5 minutes a day for one whole month?

I feel like this is cutting me from all of my friends. When I eventually (I have to be, right?) get ungrounded, I hope no one's forgotten me yet. But throughout the years I've kind of learnt something about the world: that no one's irreplaceable, and no one's unforgettable. And I'm not exactly the unforgettable type.

Gah. I should stop these mindless rambles and get to reading up on Chemistry before I flunk another subject and end up with nothing to show for when I get around receiving the results when I come back to school next year. Don't want to be disappointing my teachers now, would I? Especially not Mr. Foo, my Chemistry teacher.

8 more days till the end of SPM!